Rotundra The Squirrel

For years now we've been sitting outside on the front steps getting drunk and throwing peanuts at our adopted squirrel, Rotundra. She's gotten to be pretty big. Extra big. Like, I'm sorry, but that squirrel is fat. I mean FAT. For a squirrel. She probably weighs, I'm guessing, four pounds. She can bully small children.

Fortunately, she is a nice squirrel. Otherwise, we'd be in trouble. If she knew any kung fu, we'd have to pay protection money... in peanuts. LOTS of peanuts. She could wear an eye-patch and we'd have to join her gang.

Fortunately, though, she's a sweat-heart. Wouldn't hurt a fly. She's very cute. She likes to come up and take peanuts from our hands. She once climbed up on my lap. That hurt. She's really heavy. I thought she broke my tibia. But she didn't, so it's ok.

Anyway, if you are in the neighborhood and you see her coming over the tops of the trees or anything, just offer her a peanut. She's easy to please. But don't call her "Ralph". She hates that. If you call her that she gets mad. And you wouldn't like Rotundra when she's mad. Believe me. She can be a badass squirrel. She used to smoke cigarettes. She quit in 2007. But anyway, don't worry, you'll like her. She's great, and lots of badass stories.

:)